Thursday, February 17, 2011

Time marches on like a runaway train.

So today I was supposed to go into the hospital and start chemo. However, my mother-in-law, who was taking care of my son today and tomorrow, had an emergency appendectomy on Monday night.  I took it as a sign that we should move this whole shindig to next Monday. I'm not real comfortable with the whole "weekend staff" set-up anyway. This should be better. However, the freaking-out has begun. As I type this, I am drugged (Clonazapam- for panic/anxiety), and I have a bad feeling I will be drugged the remainder of my time at home, up until Monday when I will probably need to be sedated and hauled off by some means. Seriously, you can't really understand this until you are faced with it.
I leave here totally intact (minus the peace of mind that has already been destroyed by all this), and when I come home 4-6 weeks later for a 2 week break, I will be someone else. Someone I don't want to be, who feels terrible, looks terrible, and I am guessing will be depressed. I'm sure I'm going to want to go back for more too... (4 more times). Long, evil road from hell.
Anyway, my food prep is almost complete. I am going to try and create some pumpkin and oat "treats" this weekend. Plus get my clothes together and clean the guest room up for my *special* visitor's arrival. Every day marches on with more preparation- the dining room table is full of everything I may want or need for the next month. Total pain in the ass.... =)


  1. I admire how you're preparing for the unpreparedness of it all. My thoughts will be with you on Monday and beyond. xo

  2. I too admire you so much for the courage you're showing in the face of the unknown. You're a strong, strong lady, my friend.

    Hugs and lots of prayers...