Thursday, February 3, 2011

Overwhelmed

That's why I am creating this. I am finding it increasingly difficult to respond to every person that asks about what's happening "now"- it's hard to talk about and nearly impossible to find time for! It's not that I don't appreciate my family and friends and understand their concern- it's just different when it's all directed at me. I feel out of the loop, as everyone seems to be making up their own minds about what I should do, based on what they might do, based on the doctors having only 1 (extrememly bad) course of treatment for this, and the fact that I have a child I am supposed to think about, not to mention all the talking that is going on behind my back these days. I have become a lab rat.
This is what the doctor wants to do: put a hole in my chest to start- pump me full of 2 poisons for a full week, 24 hours/day, to ensure my entire immune system is destroyed, then wait to see if I develop infections (if so, treat with more poisons), for a total inpatient hospital stay of approx 4-6 weeks, if I don't die from it or have to stay longer due to infection. This is supposed to kill everything then let me start over and *hope* things start growing back normally, whatever that is. Following that, I am supposed to have 2? more weeks of poison to ensure that everything really is destroyed, cause we can't count on that 1st toxic dose to do the job. More weeks in the hospital.
I asked for any other possible options, and I have an appt shortly to discuss that- which of course the answer will be exactly the same. (no other options from the medical point of view)
The bone marrow biopsies held 12 days apart (Jan 17th & 28th) showed no change in the amount of "cancerous" cells. Holding steady... which doesn't mean much to me. I have been doing my own research on the subject and have discovered how they can mistake fungal infections for cancer (funny how chemo tends to lead to fungal infections...) but I am not sure there is "time" to be the guinea pig to test that theory.
I have no symptoms of this disease, which makes this hard to believe that anything is wrong. Makes it hard to offer myself up for potentially lethal injections.
For now, I am eating accordingly (organically as well) to reduce any possible fungus/yeast in my system (see knowthecause.com- Phase 1 diet), supplementing with natural anti-fungal vitamins, chorella, baking soda, raw veg juice...just about anything I know of or have found out about to make conditions in my body difficult for cancer cells, fungus & yeast to thrive. Maybe that's why there is no change in my statistics. Maybe not.
Either way, I am at a point of deciding the course. Doing what my family seems to want me to do, going along with the doctors, succumbing to my fears that I can't fix this on my own, and going against nature's course, or stepping out of the system and working toward healing without poisons. Seriously, neither way has any guarantees toward prolonging my life. Maybe my time truly is up, and it's a matter of convincing myself of that too. 
So that's "The Latest".

12 comments:

  1. (((hugs))) I don't have wisdom or answers... but it seems you are doing plenty of research and are an active person in this process which is AWESOME. I can only offer prayers.. prayers for wisdom, healing, and comfort. Rhonda/SEANDA

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  2. Sending you lots of hugs, prayers, and wishes that whatever course you take, it works beautifully. Thanks for keeping us posted. You are in my thoughts. Hugs, Becky (Irish_Aguirre)

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  3. Urs, the decision is totally up to you, no matter what anyone else says or does. Like you said nothing is guaranteed but you have to do what is best for you, no matter which course you take. As always sending you love, hugs, and prayers! ~Heather

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  4. All I can offer you is prayer! I will continue to lift you up! ((URSULA)) Thinking of you!

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  5. It's like they're giving you an ultimatum- do you want to die on *our terms* or do you want to die on yours?!! Of course there's no other options from this conventional traditional western medical point of view. No options like those years of successful studies/researches that were done & proven years ago, but *swept* into ridicule & discredit for alternative reasons.

    Two biopsies showing NO change means everything right now. Your body is fighting off a nasty fungus. You've recently changed your pH level to normal, and you're stockpiling organic herbal remedies of every kind for your system's needs. There's already a *house arrest* from your body on anymore cancer cell development, and your body is telling you there's no symptoms. Clearly, you're already naturally clearing up the mixed signals.

    What kind of doctor insists on placing you in such extreme critical measures when there's no negative advancing actions in your blood cells?!! You're the one making conditions in your body like strong warriors against all fungus' & yeasts a cancer can feed off of. Your body is slowly suffocating them. I stand by your decision to love your body with Mother Nature's medicine chest, and I'm sorry you have to deal with your family's fear level as an added burden to you, though they only want you well, and mean well.

    If, as you say, your time is truly up, which way do you prefer (when it comes right down to that final decision) to go, my Seven? Do you want your body fighting the good fight to the bitter end- healthy & strong up to (if it must be) the final blows? You may contemplate winning a total victory too, or... do you want your body stripped all the way down to ground zero in strength, with no natural ability to fight off even the slightest sniffle? Which ever way you choose, I'm going to love you & stand by you. Forever, yer' Annie

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  6. It's Barbara from the Bombshells. I'm glad you're blogging. Hopefully, it will help give you closer to 24/7 support by including the virtual community. You are showing up in my thoughts, prayers and dreams for restored health. Sending you abundant blessings. xo

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  7. Thank you for the update Urs!!! I can't even imagine how overwhelmed you are right now....with everyone and everything! But it sounds like you are doing everything you can and you know I'm behind you!!! *hugs**

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  8. Urs, I can't even imagine the depth of the feelings you're going through and the choices you're having to make. I'm so glad that you're being proactive in your own treatment. You're in my thoughts and prayers always, and I'm sending loads of big ol' Em hugs.

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  9. I have no words to comfort you! Only words to comfort myself. Your last line really got me. But some how after reading through your blog I see a fighter! You are not willing to go down with a punch. You are willing to fight. And you are doing an DANG Good job of it. GOOD FOR you for getting educated, and for trying other ways. People espcaily those close to you want a quick fix and many times people think the doctors have that quick fix. But guess what Docs are just people too! So go with your heart! You know what is best for you and your family. As a mother we tend to put our selves last but you have a great head on your shoulders. I am convinced you will do whats best for you!
    In the mean time remember we are here for you!!!
    HUGS!!
    Tiff

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