So yes, I was admitted last Monday to start the evil treatment. The port was placed under total anesthesia at my request, and might I recommend that to anyone ever having to do that. It might be a little more incovenient for them, but what the hell do you want to remember ANY of that for?? Chemo bag #1 placed around 9 pm, but ran an extra 4 hours (28 hours total, but should only run 24) due to a bad pump. 2nd chemo is done by a push injection and those 3 were done Mon, Tues & Wed nights. So *hopefully* all done with that particular one completely. (there's a chance it could have to happen again, but let's not get there now)
So I am on bag #4 of the continuous chemo and that'll run til like 3/4 am. (nice timing for the changing of all this- it's kind of a ruckus in the middle of the night). No rest in the hospital!
I do, apparently, have the best room in the house- lots of light, big window, and a big room and no roommate, due to the possible infection situation of course. Showering is the hugest pain in the ass, even though they unhook me, it's like being under a watering can. Takes forever and I get cold.
Emotions run up and down each day, with worries about if this will work, if it becomes a transplant situation, and a lot about how people will treat me, and how I will feel about myself and my world once this moves along (hopefully in a success). It's so life altering, that my old life and ways of looking at my days are gone, and I want no part of them anymore. You would think I would be grateful to live or see my son grow up or even get more time, but I have none of those thoughts. Much of what I feel is wanting to escape my previous life and move on from everybody and everything that used to be.
But it's a long road ahead, and I'm sure there is time to work through all this somehow. I imagine there will be a therapist in my future!!