So this week, I feel somewhat in limbo, but I am still preparing for the big hospital event nonetheless, just in case that is the road I will travel. I am meeting with the doctor again tomorrow, and she is going to show me a hospital room. Sounds so funny, like I am planning a wedding and need to see the banquet room. It'll probably scare the hell out of me again...the normal (these days) ebb and flow of fear in my life.
My son's birthday party last Saturday was great- the event I have been trying to get to while they were trying to rush me into my jail cell. Everything went great- I felt great and did everything like normal. Better than normal, actually. Being that I ate very little "party food", I didn't get tired from all the sugar and heavy stuff as I have in the past. It was unusual! But I'm glad I made it through it all for him- he wouldn't understand us cancelling his party.
In my mode of "Be Prepared", I also got a wig last Friday. My son looks like a really cute little girl in it!! haha I couldn't exactly tell what my husband thought of it (he was smiling though)- but my new big "country singer" hairdo is pretty funny. More hair than I've ever had in my life!
Today I am preparing food. Ok- I'm this committed (psychotic?): I don't want to be subjected to the hospital's pudding /jello/ white bread/ msg soups type meals, as I believe they are highly detrimental to my condition, especially if my immune system is destroyed. All that sugar/ yeast, etc feeds anything left in my body (ie. fungus) to allow it to take over. Remember how many folks get fungal infections following chemo? I don't need anything to help that along. So literally, I am preparing all my own food. A HUGE undertaking, but I started today. I am making a bean soup today. The house smells nice! =)
While I love to cook, it is bittersweet having to do all this- makes me sad as the days march on. I also wonder how long it will take to recover from this terror in my mind....even when everything is done. Of course I would be grateful to be alive, but putting the pieces back of my life... I know I'll never be the same. Which makes me sad too.
Hey- the sun's out, gotta go catch some rays! (21 degrees out) LOL