Well, I am on the edge of yet another hospital admission. The big one. I am dreading it. Another 3-4 weeks of no life, but nurses, doctors, and taking my vitals every 4 hours. I know I should be grateful that I have a bone marrow/stem cell donor, but I feel so "not well" these days, I'm just not game for all this yet. But I really am grateful to the unknown 23 yr old woman who is taking injections daily to up her white cells just for me. You are a saint, whoever you are, and I love you for being so willing to help me like this.
All that medical miracle stuff is great... I just don't want it to be me. So much can happen where things go wrong, I fear this admission. I fear this is a mistake. I feel like I'm leaping into a chasm with blind faith that someone will catch me. They say this is the best chance I have. Saying goodbye to my cells and hoping hers take over and fix everything. I'm sad that my body has failed. I'm still stunned after all these months that these words are in my daily life- stem cell, donor, transplant, chemo, chemo, chemo.... I have no idea what happened to make my life this way- I am certainly not living the high life here.
Anyway, the killing off of my cells (for the last time, I hope) begins on the 14th with more chemo for 6 days, then a rest day, then on the 21st, I receive the new cells as a transfusion. Then I wait to see if they take or reject, and I'm sure, receive a billion drugs in the meantime in the weeks that follow.
That's it for now!